God’s Presence in Miscarriage & Infertility
By Erin Greneaux
Six years ago, my husband and I were eager to start a family. When the plastic stick announced ‘Pregnant,’ we were ecstatic. We bought a crib, set it up in the nursery and started researching all the baby things. We couldn’t wait to be parents. At our second ultrasound we found out that there was no heartbeat and we had lost the baby. I was utterly devastated.
The following season of silent grief was lonely, dark and difficult as I processed the loss of a child I had never met and most people never knew existed. I struggled with anger, jealousy, guilt, shame, doubt, and bitter sorrow. My faith was shaken to the core as questions I was afraid to ask haunted the shadowy corners of my soul. Where is God in this loss? Was this His will? Why do bad things happen to good people?
Our temporary relief rested in the fact that we could try again, and we did. Month after month I would pray and dream, only to have my hopes crushed over and over. We began seeing a fertility specialist and weren’t sure that we would ever be able to conceive again.
I struggled spiritually, and I sought answers in God’s Word. After much wrestling, I realized that I needed to pursue God for Himself, not what He could give me. This meant choosing to love and obey Him even when He wasn’t answering my prayers the way that I wanted. I learned that the period of waiting isn’t a void to endure, but a valuable season for changing into the follower that Christ desires me to be. Most importantly, God showed me that He is faithful, His promises are true, He does have a plan for my life, and He is busy in the work of redemption, making the most broken pieces of my heart new in Him.
God has given me a beautiful redemption story and I now have two precious daughters. However, my peace did not come in answered prayers, but in God’s presence in the pain itself. I am grateful for His blessings, but I must hold them with open hands, knowing that He alone is my desire and pursuit.
I have a passion to help other women process their journey of loss and waiting. On the five year anniversary of our devastating loss, I published a book, Inconceivable Redemption: God’s Presence in Miscarriage and Infertility. It is designed to take women by the hand and be a friend to walk them through the raw and vulnerable journey of loss and waiting. It demonstrates how God’s inconceivable redemption is not only possible in the darkest moments, but most evident and surprising in them.
One in four women have a miscarriage, and one in eight experience infertility. If that is you, I want you to know that you are not alone, your feelings are valid, and your loss is legitimate, but the grief is not permanent. There is hope and healing. Do not suffer alone or stifle the pain. Instead, allow God to use it to create something incredible that only He can imagine!
For more encouragement from Erin, sign up for her weekly devotions or read her blogs at www.greneauxgardens.com—she would love to connect with you on your journey!
Also available in Spanish, Inconceivable Redemption was the #1 new release in Christian Grief and Death on Amazon and received the gold medal at the Illumination Book Awards, designed to honor the year’s best new titles written and published with a Christian worldview. The book is available on Amazon.